Willing or Wanting????

A few weeks ago, I planned on attending an enrichment meeting for Relief Society. A day prior to the meeting, I had a message on the answering machine asking if I could substitute for the pianist at enrichment. "ARGH!" I thought. I don't really WANT to play for this. I am OK at playing the piano, but I need to practice the hymn A LOT before I feel comfortable accompanying a crowd. But, I decided I should help them out and play. The song wasn't too hard and I'd just get there early to practice it a few times through.

So, I did just that. I got there early. But, to my dismay, they decided to sing a different hymn. A MUCH more DIFFICULT hymn. One that I knew would just be a disaster. "I REALLY don't want to do this" I was thinking. But, I stuck it out and practiced the hymn anyways. True to my prediction, all four verses of the song were rocky, at some points just playing the top hand. I did my best, felt really stupid, and went to my seat where people told me "I did fine!" Oh please!

As always in life, I was meant to learn from this embarrassing experience. I sat down and listened to a nice talk. The theme at the enrichment was service (OF COURSE!). The speaker said something that has been on my mind for the past few weeks, and so I thought I would share. She posed the thought "WILLING to serve? Versus WANTING to serve?"

When you are called into the bishop's office to receive a new calling, do you say "Yes, Bishop, I really WANT to be the relief society president." Most people probably don't necessarily WANT that calling, but they are WILLING to take on the calling and do their best. We don't always want to serve others. It's usually inconvenient -- no it's ALWAYS inconvenient. It may put us out of our comfort zone. It will take time away from our busy schedules. But, in the midst of all those negatives in life, we still feel the need to serve, and we are WILLING to do it. It is my hope that I will someday (hopefully soon) change from just willing. It's good to be willing to serve -- don't get me wrong here-- but actually wanting to serve is the next step up. Wanting to serve and looking for opportunities to do so. That is my aspiration. So the next time I get "that" phone call -- I will not dread it but be excited to help.

Serving others is the best way to brighten your day. With such benefits, why would one NOT serve?

Come What May, and Love It

Last week I had the opportunity to listen to all 4 sessions of General Conference. The overall theme of the conference seemed to be overcoming our trials, living through adversity, having hope, etc... All of the talks were uplifting and gave me some great things to ponder about.

Someone has said that everyone will have a talk during conference that will "stick out" to them. It will be something that you need to hear at that point in your life. For me, that talk was Elder Wirthlin's talk. He spoke about trials and adversity. He gave us four ways to minimize or get through the adversity with less sorrow. While all four are extremely important, I am going to focus on the two that made my eyes open.

Find humor in things
When I left my occupation to come home and be a mom, I thought that I would be less stressed. I thought that life would be more carefree. In some ways, it is. But, my stress level seems to have risen, and that has put a strain on my ability to be more patient. When something goes wrong, a monster in me is unleashed. I get so angry and frustrated! It's like a totally different side of me that I never knew about. Elder Wirthlin told us to learn to laugh. And laugh often. Instead of getting mad, just laugh. This is a new goal for me. It will bring more peace to me, my daughter, my husband. It will allow the Spirit to be in our home.

Principal of Compensation
For those that don't know, I have a form of muscular dystrophy. It is not a life-threatening form. It just makes every-day life a little more challenging. As I've watched my muscles deteriorate over the past few years, I have many times gotten emotional. It's difficult to realize that there are physical things that I can't do anymore. Things that I used to love to do that have been taken away from me. Elder Wirthlin reminded me that what is taken away from me now, in this life, will someday be given back ten fold. He reminded me that this is just an earthly trial. Someday I will be able to dance again. I dream about the day that I will be able to run. Elder Wirthlin quoted the scripture "...then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27) This scripture, as you can imagine, has new meaning to me. I know that my trials will end someday. I know that I will be blessed if I endure them well.

I enjoyed this talk so much. If you weren't able to listen to it, or want to listen to it again, click on this link and follow the directions below:

http://www.lds.org/move/index.html?type=conference&event=178&lang=english

Click on "Saturday Afternoon Session"(beneath the main screen) and then find Elder Joseph B Wirthlin in the video windows.

Why do I even go?

The past few weeks have been challenging for me. Gavin's work schedule hasn't permitted him to attend church with me the past few weeks. OK, well, I am capable and willing to go to church anyways. I know that I will receive blessings for attending church, so I tote Sydney along and go. Now, anyone who has a 1 year old knows that going ANYWHERE for 3 hours can be a challenge. But, going to church -- a place where Sydney needs to be quiet, stay near me, and play with the limited amount of toys and books that I was able to bring-- this is a major challenge -- especially when I am by myself.

One past Sunday was especially difficult. Sydney wasn't happy with ANYTHING I had. She was bored. Unwilling to even look at the same book one more time. It started in the first meeting, and her attitude didn't change for the remaining 2 hours. At the last meeting, she even got more out-of-control. She dumped her teddy grahams -- full of crumbs -- all over the floor. She was pulling everything she could get her hands on out of the diaper bag. And if I took it away, she would squeal. People were starting to stare. I grabbed her and went into the hall. I was at my wits end. I started to get emotional and wondered what I was doing. "I should just go home now" I thought to myself. "I'm not learning anything from the lessons or talks. I'm just battling this baby!" But, then a more controlled thought came into my head that helped to calm me down-- "No, don't go home. You should stay. If you go home frustrated now, it will be easier to leave in the future."

So, I didn't go home. I stuck it out. We stayed in the hallway, but just close enough to where I could still hear some of the words of the lesson.

Now, fast forward to the next week. Sydney was still a handful, but nothing compared to the experience the previous week. A older man came up to me (who I'd hadn't met yet) at the conclusion of the meeting and said "It is so nice to see you at church with your daughter. I really look up to 'single' parents who come to church." I was so touched. It made me realize that I was doing the right thing. I was so grateful that this man had the courage to come up to a stranger and deliver a much-needed message. It didn't stop there though. I was talking to a woman after Relief Society. I hadn't mentioned anything about how I'd been having a tough time or anything... But she proceeded to tell me how she had been alone while her kids were little, as her husband's callings kept him from sitting with them. And now, watching her boys pass and bless the sacrament, she knows that it really was worth going. She felt so overwhelmed at times, and sometimes left early, as I had thought to do. But, now she has realized how important going truly was. Another message I needed to hear.

Now I have a new perspective -- I may not be learning from the lessons and talks. But, I am learning something. I am learning how to be patient. I am learning perseverance. I am learning how to endure through tough times. I am learning how to be a better mother.