Why do I even go?

The past few weeks have been challenging for me. Gavin's work schedule hasn't permitted him to attend church with me the past few weeks. OK, well, I am capable and willing to go to church anyways. I know that I will receive blessings for attending church, so I tote Sydney along and go. Now, anyone who has a 1 year old knows that going ANYWHERE for 3 hours can be a challenge. But, going to church -- a place where Sydney needs to be quiet, stay near me, and play with the limited amount of toys and books that I was able to bring-- this is a major challenge -- especially when I am by myself.

One past Sunday was especially difficult. Sydney wasn't happy with ANYTHING I had. She was bored. Unwilling to even look at the same book one more time. It started in the first meeting, and her attitude didn't change for the remaining 2 hours. At the last meeting, she even got more out-of-control. She dumped her teddy grahams -- full of crumbs -- all over the floor. She was pulling everything she could get her hands on out of the diaper bag. And if I took it away, she would squeal. People were starting to stare. I grabbed her and went into the hall. I was at my wits end. I started to get emotional and wondered what I was doing. "I should just go home now" I thought to myself. "I'm not learning anything from the lessons or talks. I'm just battling this baby!" But, then a more controlled thought came into my head that helped to calm me down-- "No, don't go home. You should stay. If you go home frustrated now, it will be easier to leave in the future."

So, I didn't go home. I stuck it out. We stayed in the hallway, but just close enough to where I could still hear some of the words of the lesson.

Now, fast forward to the next week. Sydney was still a handful, but nothing compared to the experience the previous week. A older man came up to me (who I'd hadn't met yet) at the conclusion of the meeting and said "It is so nice to see you at church with your daughter. I really look up to 'single' parents who come to church." I was so touched. It made me realize that I was doing the right thing. I was so grateful that this man had the courage to come up to a stranger and deliver a much-needed message. It didn't stop there though. I was talking to a woman after Relief Society. I hadn't mentioned anything about how I'd been having a tough time or anything... But she proceeded to tell me how she had been alone while her kids were little, as her husband's callings kept him from sitting with them. And now, watching her boys pass and bless the sacrament, she knows that it really was worth going. She felt so overwhelmed at times, and sometimes left early, as I had thought to do. But, now she has realized how important going truly was. Another message I needed to hear.

Now I have a new perspective -- I may not be learning from the lessons and talks. But, I am learning something. I am learning how to be patient. I am learning perseverance. I am learning how to endure through tough times. I am learning how to be a better mother.